Need it.

Have I forsaken my own "potential" in order to bear a cross instead?

Is the life I lead worth following?

Am I facing the day while sticking with Christ, so that even in failure and defeat I still seek to bring Him praise?

The year is coming to a close and while I'm sooo excited for no more school and this summer! and rockbridge and next year...wooodworking..I must remain focused on what's happening around me, right now-today. The past two semesters have brought so much change and transformation into my life, as well as, forcing me to consider, desire, and see the need for A LOT more! I am incredibly grateful to the people in my life that speak God's truth to me, even when that's hard for both of us and I'm so in love with a God who has such amazing patience with a child who rides more waves of indecision and confusion than a bottle floating around the sea.

How effervescent my week began, looking back on Sunday night and Monday it hardly seems possible I could've been in such a grand mood and felt so full of life and joy and all the possibilities for excitement seemed endless. But dammit how those things now feel so small and meaningless, in the grand scheme...if there even is one, those tiny rejoicings seem like specks that freckle a much larger body that is doom and despair.

I first off feel alone, then I feel misunderstood and attention grabbing..why oh why can't I just let myself go? To give completely to Christ, to not care what others do or say or think, to die to my flesh and live fully in the Spirit. Waiting on the Lord is SOOO hard and waiting patiently seems near impossible. But...."With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible." That verse seems pretty cliche right now though. I just wish time machines existed, that I could return to Monday, that I could return to Spring Break and keep living that week over, that all the conversations where my words raced faster than my meaning.

This must be how it feels to want Heaven to come now!

THIS IS ONE OF MY ALL TIME FAVORITE PICTURES OF THE YEAR. even though im not liking this season of secrecy and frustrations amongst, i love these times all the same. we look back on everything...

I got pretty upset a few weeks ago when someone said Nirvana wasn't a good band. WHOA! Watch those hasty words there fella! Nirvana felt like my sustainer throughout the middle school years, I remember thinking if they were still around in Seattle that I would've given up everything to trek across the country to meet them. Looking back on those years; however, it seems as though the biggest seduction of their music was Cobain's crazy voice. The strains and crys he makes, the yelling and wild pitches are what most likely got me hooked to this band. weird, huh....

to let you know.

"why is God so much more interested in the way I believe than in the way I live?"

Yes, that's right I am wearing shorts in this first picture and hooray it was just yesterday! These are updates, due to my inclination to only read other blogs instead of posting on my own.

• sitting in sun..wearing shorts..pondering over the continent of Africa
• sweet bicycles
• the confirmation that INDEED my car does have a parking pass, contrary to the many tickets it has received
• SHANNON'S LAZY SUSAN!
• a gorgeous group photo
• brittany's birthday dinner
• snow in richmond...woot, no longer!

on the other side.

i have given up my facebook. i MUST show this video through some avenue of internet sharing.

blog it is! LOOOOOOOOVVVVEE CREEEPPPPPESS!!

Crêpes en stop-motion

sundaes

"Wretched man that I am!" -Romans 7:24

My selfishness mixed with my blinded ignorance is stunning in measure. O Lord my God, thank you for forgiveness. Thank you for creating an atonement of all my past, present, and future sins in Christ Jesus. Today, I have begun to realize how silly my thoughts have been lately. The past few days I've felt alienated from folks and these ideas have been stewing notions of anger, distress, and jealousy toward my community. In being completely wrapped up in my own desires for centrality and glorifying myself; I could not even see how loved I am. That all the while I was having a silent pity party in my thoughts- the reality was that people were including me, inviting me, engaging me, caring for me, and loving me.

Of course, I never need to be caught up in feelings of unimportant loneliness because I have Jesus always, never leaving or forsaking. But, for myself it is rarely that I truly am without others beside Christ- but that the prideful uplifting of myself is too big to let my eyes see the people around me. So glad God's grace is bigger than my sin!

[an aside: the prayers focused on thankfulness.....sooo good and spirit brightening]

highly, highly recommend this tea

among my piers

It has come to be my own belief that there is never a day when I give thanks for all that I should be thankful for. Most of what I send to the Lord is my own requests and complaints, most of what I talk to other folks about is what needs to happen, things that can be improved upon, what went wrong and how something should change. But something HAS happened, even when no one sees it or appreciates it and without a first, where would the improvements be, where would growth come from. Thank you for building blocks, thank you for foundations, thank you for working mysteriously and right under our noses. Thank you for not letting me see each detail and not knowing what is to come.

Do you think anything would change if my prayers were focused only on giving thanks and nothing else, for say...a week? Starting....tomorrow.. :D

Make a joyful noise to the LORD, all the earth!
Serve the LORD with gladness!
Come into his presence with singing!

Know that the LORD, he is God!
It is he who made us, and we are his;
we are his people, and the sheep of his pasture.

Enter his gates with thanksgiving,
and his courts with praise!
Give thanks to him; bless his name!

For the LORD is good;
his steadfast love endures forever,
and his faithfulness to all generations.

-PSALM 100

WOW! this is going to be tough, i already have something new to complain about. geeeeezz..