How effervescent my week began, looking back on Sunday night and Monday it hardly seems possible I could've been in such a grand mood and felt so full of life and joy and all the possibilities for excitement seemed endless. But dammit how those things now feel so small and meaningless, in the grand scheme...if there even is one, those tiny rejoicings seem like specks that freckle a much larger body that is doom and despair.

I first off feel alone, then I feel misunderstood and attention grabbing..why oh why can't I just let myself go? To give completely to Christ, to not care what others do or say or think, to die to my flesh and live fully in the Spirit. Waiting on the Lord is SOOO hard and waiting patiently seems near impossible. But...."With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible." That verse seems pretty cliche right now though. I just wish time machines existed, that I could return to Monday, that I could return to Spring Break and keep living that week over, that all the conversations where my words raced faster than my meaning.

This must be how it feels to want Heaven to come now!

THIS IS ONE OF MY ALL TIME FAVORITE PICTURES OF THE YEAR. even though im not liking this season of secrecy and frustrations amongst, i love these times all the same. we look back on everything...