The Far Farrrr East

I got my eyes set on what's cool. What's cool? sweet jams that only ten other people have heard before, sweaters with all around patterns of giant geometric shapes, beatnik poetry, being bohemian, being fresh with the rest of the room smell'n like dey wearin last week's laundry, tattoos of rosary beads, patchy clothes and a good experimental film knowledge? Why I gotta be cool yo? Why in writing this blog did I want a topic to start with that would make feel smarter and more insightful?

Why do I always want to be the best?

Realizing I continually fail at right community, right vulnerability, right compassion and friendship, and right relinquishing to Christ is no, nooo bueno! But realizing that Christ grants me right community and vulnerability with himself, while offering perfect compassion and friendship to me is something I like and will keep understanding its huge-osity!

Ask for more grace! And stop tryna be soo dang cool!

Alotta Newness

Do I really want to help or only be seen helping?

Can I lay down my own desires and expectations if necessary?

Will I be able to accept God's forgiveness, God's grace, God's love?

Is it possible to live life without remembering all your past regrets?

Will I soon be able to leave the woman on the shore and not be the monk who continues to carry her?

"Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light." -Matthew 11:28-30

Submission Discipline

This is the world's view of submission, being forced into an action or position you would never choose willingly, a place of humility and victimization. Women are forced into submission in bad relationship's with their husbands, wrestlers who lose must submit to their victorious opponent, slaves are submitting to their harsh and awful masters. But these are the misconstrued perspectives and examples of what submission is not meant to be by God. Jesus submitted to his father, to God, and he submitted himself to all people around him. In Philippians 2: 3-8, Paul says that because Jesus placed others above himself, we are to have that same self-denial that recognizes the people around us more than ourselves,

Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others. In your relationships with one another, have the same mindset as Christ Jesus: Who, being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be used to his own advantage; rather, he made himself nothing by taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness. And being found in appearance as a man, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to death—even death on a cross!

I've been reading about the discipline of submission the past few days in Richard Foster's Celebration of Discipline, and it has been very VERY helpful. The other night I let myself get so overworked and angry from feeling like I wasn't the best women's coordinator. I started thinking if I were good at anything and wondering if I were number one to anyone, if I were important enough or worth loving that much. I felt hopeless and angry and I wanted to hit my head against a wall and drink until I passed out. Unfortunately for my anger, yet highly fortunate for my overall person, my plans were destroyed by two freshmen needing a kitchen to bake brownies (I'm telling you these kids are ANGELS) and my roommate sleeping at our house that night.

That was when I first picked up Celebration of Discipline after reading and writing about the first shall be last and such n such gospel teachns. I read that every discipline has a corresponding freedom and that submission's correspondent is THE ABILITY TO LAY DOWN THE TERRIBLE BURDEN OF ALWAYS NEEDING TO GET OUR OWN WAY. And that hooked me to this chapter on submission, I am all about laying down burdens for some freedom!

Foster writes, "Do you know the liberation that comes from giving up your rights? It means you are set free from the seething anger and bitterness you feel when someone doesn't act toward you the way you think they should." And he says that, "In submission we are at last free to value other people. --the freedom to give up our own rights for the good of others. For the first time we can love people unconditionally. We have given up the right to demand that they return our love."

I really want to give up my rights of demanding anything!

I just read over all my old posts, i have an exam this afternoon I'm procrastinating for.

Buuut anyways, I read them and it's incredible!

Incredible that I have never dealt with anything new, no new feelings, no new temptations, no new sins. The ways in which they have been expressed have changed of course, the people whom are involved have changed, the victories and defeats have also altered. But the core of my heart, the road I have always taken away from God has been the same.

This might seem depressing to some, for me however, it is encouraging to realize!





Blessed is the one
whose transgressions are forgiven,
whose sins are covered.
Blessed is the one
whose sin the LORD does not count against them
and in whose spirit is no deceit.

When I kept silent,
my bones wasted away
through my groaning all day long.
For day and night
your hand was heavy on me;
my strength was sapped
as in the heat of summer.

Then I acknowledged my sin to you
and did not cover up my iniquity.
I said, “I will confess
my transgressions to the LORD.”
And you forgave
the guilt of my sin.

Therefore let all the faithful pray to you
while you may be found;
surely the rising of the mighty waters
will not reach them.
You are my hiding place;
you will protect me from trouble
and surround me with songs of deliverance.

-Psalm 32:1-7

I will extol you, O Lord, for you have drawn
me up
and have not let my foes rejoice over me.
O Lord my God, I cried to you for help,
and you have healed me.
O Lord, you have brought up my soul from
Sheol;
you restored me to life from among those
who go down to the pit.

Sing praises to the Lord, O you his saints,
and give thanks to his holy name.
For his anger is but for a moment,
and his favor is for a lifetime.
Weeping may tarry for the night,
but joy comes with the morning.
-Psalm 30:1-5


May all kings fall down before him,
all nations serve him!

For he delivers the needy when he calls,
the poor and him who has no helper.
He has pity on the weak and the needy,
and saves the lives of the needy.
From oppression and violence he redeems
their life,
and precious is their blood in his sight.

Long may he live;
may gold of Sheba be give to him!
May prayer be made for him continually,
and blessings invoked for him all the day!
May there be abundance of grain in the land;
on the tops of the mountains may it wave;
may its fruit be like Lebanon;
and may people blossom in the cities
like the grass of the field!
May his name endure forever,
his fame continue as long as the sun!
May people be blessed in him,
all nations call him blessed!

Blessed be the Lord, the God of Israel,
who alone does wondrous things.
Blessed be his glorious name forever;
may the whole earth be filled with his glory!
AMEN and AMEN!
-Psalm 72:11-19

WOOOOO WOOOOOOOOOO WOOOO WOOOO WOOOOOO
WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!

PRAAAAAISE GOD PRAAAAAAISE GOD!!!

you say

I've always known it deep down, but often take for granted and overlook what an extraordinary blessing I have been appropriated. It truly is special, I'm so glad I have curly hair!

this guy